He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
