i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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