i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Less talking, more tequila
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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