my vag is so smooth its legendary
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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