please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
