Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I intend to get homeless drunk
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
