Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
