I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I deserve this hangover.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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