I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
