I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
