Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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