I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
