The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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