Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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