woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
