Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
