i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
