that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
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I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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