i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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