Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
