Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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