We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
