Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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