quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
