better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
