Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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