I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
there's paper in my vomit.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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