As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize