'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
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I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
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I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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