I think im going to throw up on grandma
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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