The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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