She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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