i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
