Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
