Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
