I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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