Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
50% drunk capacity currently
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
