how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize