he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
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Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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