Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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