I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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