I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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