Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
