do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize