Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
