He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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