Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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