It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
