I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
