FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
