DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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