Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
