don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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