If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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