Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
