i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
