im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
