dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
