My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
