He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
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My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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