today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
