Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
