either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
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